Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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