i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
