You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
