Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
