yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
