The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
