Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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