I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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