Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Umm I'm too high to move.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
