dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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