Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
