Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
