good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
