Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
