Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
