there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
