So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
