Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
