you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
