love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
