I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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