I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
