That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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