Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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