We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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