How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dicks are not precious.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
