Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Sorry my hands just texted you
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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