I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
