And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My friends, they love my intelligence
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
