would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
this is an emotional support booty call
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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