true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize