if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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