She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
