You're so nebulous sometimes
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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