I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
