the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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