he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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