you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
