I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
