Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
