It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
