For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm too high and old for this...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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