Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
