i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
