i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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