She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
