My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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