make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
