am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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