One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
