dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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