True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
