one might say we're banned from that church
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dicks are not precious.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
