I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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