I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
