Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
