Swine flu. Run for my life!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
