What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
