omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
