Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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