he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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