saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
cat food counts as protein by the way
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
