I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
