one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
