she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
