member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
