apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
