More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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