Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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