I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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