You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
